The Dumbest Things That Women Say!

Hello everybody and welcome to "The Dumbest Things That Women Say!". I'm your host: Lee Cooper, and in this segment we'll be discussing The Dumbest Things That Women Say Before Sex. I hope to make this a long series (until I'm sick of the subject matter or end up getting banned for sexism).

Segment Number One: The Dumbest Things That Women Say Before Sex!

ME
Our first guest is Todd. An average blue collar man, just grinding his work load.

TODD
That's right Lee.

ME
Tell us about your story!

TODD
(annoyingly long rant)

ME
So, you find her alone at the bar. She doesn't look particularly thrilled to be talking to you. She must be shy. You work your usual routine and in no time she's in the back of your rental car...

TODD
Yes!

Here's a depiction of what happened, along with the Woman's hilarious quotes!

WOMAN
Please stop!

TODD
(Silence)

WOMAN
Don't do this!

TODD
(Silence)

WOMAN
I'll give you my wallet, anything! Just please! PLEASE STOP!

TODD
(Laughter)

WOMAN
(Crying)

TODD
I'm sending this in to The "Dumbest Things That Women Say!"

END.

ME
And now you're here Todd!

TODD
Yeah, I am!

ME
Todd, you win a flatscreen TV for being awesome!

TODD
No Lee, you win a flatscreen TV!

ME
Ok fine, I'll take the TV but you can watch the game with me tonight! Bring some "women" (laughter)!

TODD
(Laughter)

Fat Girls Do Not Need Love... Despite Popular Belief...

I hate people. It's been a tradition of mine for years to scare the shit out of little kids as they approach my door on Halloween, hoping to receive free candy. Not on my watch. Every year I spend hundreds of dollars on delicious treats. Gummy Bears, Tootsie Rolls, Chocolate Bars and Sugar Snacks. I even go as far as decorating my home with state of the art decorations, such as webs, spiders, witches and accessories of the sort, ghouls and ghastly ghosts, devilish gravestones and skeletons. I pride myself on my patience, so I sit and wait. As soon as the kids come to my door, I kill em'.

Anti climactic, right? That's how I feel after watching "House".

I'd rather register as a sex offender, visit a preschool and masturbate with splintering building blocks than watch another episode of that suicidal thought inducing show. Sure, Gregory is a great character, but what's an arrogant asshole surrounded with sniveling retards? It's an arrogant asshole surrounded with sniveling retards. That's how simple it is.

I'm tired of hearing people speak of this travesty as highly as they do. I won't pretend to be enthralled. I'm sure the hate will be spread on thick, as this show happens to be a very popular one, but I couldn't care less.

Fuck you.

Update For Those Who Hate Or Love

I've been hired to write a pilot for a show titled "Who Cares". Currently, that's all I can focus on. I'll update the blog when I fucking feel like it. But, in all seriousness, I'll update the blog when I fucking feel like it.

In the meantime, you can read all of my old posts and laugh, enjoy, hate. I do have several posts ready to go, but I'll be occupied for a while (the pressures of life and the rat race, trying to reach that cheese). In the fast paced world of writing, you never know what'll hit ya' next, so I'm saving those posts in case I can't update soon.